Monday, May 25, 2015

Keep Writing Your Story

     This is my last week of Sophomore year. My last week of being a homeschooler. The four years of high school do move just as quickly as everyone told me they would. "Sophomore" has been who I am for the past year, but "homeschooler" has been tagged to my identity for ten years now. It's honestly scary changing that with my Junior year being the first at public school. Of course, its not just the name itself, its the change that I've spent years contemplating but always deemed "too scary" to go through with. A courageous act in my own personal book; an account of all the sentences written to lead to that book being filled so that I now start a new one.

     The first sentence probably read "Go to Sea world", a glorious ink stain to be scripted on that scary blank white page. "Learn to hold a conversation" takes up a whole page in the middle, and took painstakingly long to meticulously write. The book ends with "learn to tie a balloon", "get rid of my security blanket (Long hair)", and "let people know more about me" scrawled on the bottom of the back cover. I didn't end up with a half filled notebook to be placed back on the shelf for years, I scribbled down all the things that make me uncomfortable and did them until I could take a thick black marker and let it glide through those words without a second of hesitation knowing "I did it and now this is part of my new comfort zone."

     I did not let my little match box stay a match box, it grew to a jewelry box, then a box the size of my bass drum. Eventually it became a house big enough for me to let people walk inside so I can share a piece of my guarded thoughts without fear of the chandelier pulled down or fine jewelry collection stolen. If I stop getting out of my comfort zone, I stop growing. If I stop growing, I stop living. If I stop living... Well, I might as well be dead and rest with the fact that my little match box never even became big enough for a coffin. If I stop filling book after book with things that make me uncomfortable then crossing them out like the names of forgotten childhood crushes drawn on the inside of a bunk bed, I stop turning the pages. I stop starting new books to expand the gorgeous library. I can not keep my bookmark in the middle of Sophomore year and I will not keep it in Public School, Crazy Rock Concert, Moving out. or Losing a Friend. I do not determine whether my life is a trilogy, or fills a massive bookshelf. I do determine how many pages are blank, and if I re-read all the old ones or keeping writing when my hands cramp or I miss that story of looking at the stars with my best guy friend.

     I can not tell if these are the last words I write in my book, I never know when my pen will run out of ink. But if I have enough to victoriously close shut Sophomore Year and start Summer 2015 I sure hope I can fill every page of it with nights star gazing with the people I love most, every kind word breathed out by friends brought closer, and drips of every tie dye shirt I make with rock'n'roll music playing in the back ground. I hope to cross off with that black sharpie "Rock climbing" and "Meet new people." May I, and may you; never stop growing, turning the pages,
and never
stop writing our stories.

( It's almost 1 AM and I'm writing Algebra 2 vocabulary words. There's probably a lot of grammar mistakes in this, but it's finals weeks and I want all of this out. )

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

2015 Health Goals

    Last year I accomplished very much as far as health. After I changed my thought process from "I wanna lose weight to fit into a certain size, be skinny, be hotter, etc." to "I want to be healthy" I was able to commit to investing into my health. I lost 30 pounds so far, something I had tried for a long time but never had the willpower to commit to.

    In addition to regular new years resolutions I have made a list of goals for my health I want to achieve this year. After spending my whole life in a unhealthy weight and lacking physical activity, there are a lot of things I haven't been able  to do that I'm excited to finally conquer. I've never in any way been athletic, but it's something that I want to be able to do some of. Here's my list as of now (may change throughout the year); 

- Be at 150 lbs. by my 16th Birthday Achieved!
    This is my longstanding goal, and I recently achieved it woohoo! I will no longer do weight goals since I'd rather focus on ability and how healthy I feel now that I'm in a healthy weight range. 

- Complete a Blogilates calender
     This girl posts workout videos and clean eating recipes, along with a monthly calender sorting out her videos into daily workouts. I haven't tried many of her videos but I'm already a big fan of her :) 

- Learn how to play Softball
    Ah yes, dreaded softball. Every year since I was 9 years old, I've struggled through softball at summer camp. I get really nervous to bat, because I know my abilities aren't that great. Every year someone tries to help me, but it's just overwhelming for me to learn all the techniques and parts of batting. This year I want to practice before hand, so I can at least LOOK like I know what I'm doing when standing at the base. 

- Do a push up
    My life long struggle of weak arms *SIGH*. When I was still short enough for monkey bars, I couldn't hold onto the handles for more than a few seconds. Lifting boxes? Nope. Doing a push-up? NEVER. I've decided its time that I finally accomplish this harder than it seems task. 

- Do a 3 minute plank
     I've been doing planks since I started working out, my highest is 2 minutes but that was after a rage fueled (caused by failed Algebra test after studying for HOURS) workout that I ripped through. I usually can do 1 to 1 1/2 minute planks, so by the end of this year I want to be able to do a 3 minute plank, which ya know, is like 3 hours in plank time. 

- Physical Therapy
    Back in June I dislocated my knee (Actually it was the patella A.K.A. knee cap but I don't want everyone to be confused on what the heck I'm talking about) and I've been given physical therapy I was supposed to be finished with in August (I think?). Well, I'm still not where I should be with it due to my inconsistency and this is what is preventing me from doing a larger variety of workouts. 

- Get a booty
    My butt is flat. I don't want a flat butt anymore. 

- Rock climb at Summer camp
    This is another one that relates to my summer camp fears and weak arms. The only time I've tried a rock climbing wall was when I was probably 7 years old, got a few feet up, freaked out, wasted my parents money, and never did it again. I've never attempted the rock walls at camp, but I've decided this is the year I finally do it. Yolo. 
(Also, I apologize  for using yolo)

I'll constantly be re-accessing, adding, and adjusting these as the year goes on, but this is it for now and I wish everyone a healthy and happy year :) 

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

End Notes for 2014...

Today was my last drum lesson until June 2015, one of the major new things in my life. What a crazy way to end the year. I'm so glad that I can reflect on this past year and smile at so many good things that have happened.

If I were to give you the highlights of my year it'd go like this;

- Got my drum kit
- Imagine Dragons concert
- Finished Freshman year
- Summer camp 2014
- Baptized
- Monumentour (Paramore and Fall Out Boy concert)
- Dislocated my knee (Okay, I know this is a bad one but it was a big part of my year)
- Started drum lessons
- Started Sophomore year
- New Found Glory concert
- Losing almost 30 pounds
- Annual Christmas Pops symphony
- Christmas

Although those are all bigger events that really made a impact on me this year, its all the little moments those things are made up of.the multitude of bad days seem so little in comparison to joyful little things I adore. 
This is not the "highlights" of my year, the big things that happened, but all the things I think of and appreciate the most; 

- Finally having the opportunity to play drums. 
- Yelling the words of the song "Amsterdam" at the Imagine Dragons show
- Ending off my first good school year in a long time
- Laughing with my friends
- Discovering Raising Canes (the best food ever)
-  Nice and funny snapchats from a friend at twelve o'clock at night after I got back from the E.R. (when I dislocated my knee)
- Singing "Mr.Sandman" in the camp talent show with close friends of mine (We totally rocked it btw)
- Pranking boys at camp
- Getting a red-lipstick-confidence-you-go-girl-pep-talk in the camp bathroom
- Getting so close to God I decided to dedicate my life to him through Baptism
- Learning a lot about drums and myself (See)
- Playing a beat then crashing both cymbals at the end of it for the first time (The most empowering thing) 
- Building up even better relationships with some of my friends
- Rocked the heck out at my first pop punk concert (Hopefully crowd surfing will be in next years post ;D )
- Loved myself and my body so much I decide that it was time I treated it right 
- Fit into a size 8 dress! (My goal since forever)
- Stared up at the stars and talked about life for hours with two great friends
- Laughed till I cried over dumb stuff ( (Really hope the person that knows that joke will see this)
- Improved on decreasing my internet addiction 
- Wrote poetry I am very proud of. 
- Made it through a full year without my depression coming back. 
- Got help for ADHD, something I've struggled with for a long time. 

In 2012 I looked back at the year and said "Wow, this year changed my life", I did the same in 2013, and am doing the same this year, 2014. I've decided what better goal in life than to look back every year and say "This year changed my life". It's so important to change, don't let life be boring. If 2015 turns my world upside down and gives me much heart ache, I know in the end I'll look back and know that it improved me and I learned from it. If 2015 is the greatest year of my life thus far, I'll look back and think of all the wonderful life changing moments and find how I can take those memories and put more of them in my life. No matter how this next year turns out, I'll change, I'll improve, but I sure hope I look back and say 2015 was the year that changed my life. 

Monday, November 3, 2014

What Learning to Play Drums Has Taught Me


     I started playing drums in July, the very first instrument of any type that I've attempted to play. With no prior knowledge of reading or playing music and barely knowing each part of the drum kit I began taking lessons. Lets get this straight; there's beginners... and then there's me, way down below beginner level. Within the first month I was sitting at my drum kit, blurry eyed from tears, staring at my snare drum sheet music I taped to my crash cymbal. In that month I also learned simple beats, including a bass snare bass snare rhythm that is very basic but used a lot, excited I listened for it in every song on my play list or radio. With this, I persevered knowing that "anything worth having doesn't come easy."

Thursday, January 2, 2014

New Years Resolutions

I've never failed a New Years resolution simply because I have never made any. I can't fail if I don't try so I never bothered. But this year I pulled out my notebook and plotted different ideas for possible goals and what I would do to achieve them. These were the four I picked and what I'm doing to stay motivated for them.

1. Workout more (eating healthy ties in with this one obviously although it not one of my specific written goals)
- Workout at least 3 times a week
- Follow fitness related Instagrams, Pintrest boards, and Twitter accounts.
- The "Pop Punk 5" workout (Via)
- Never skip a Monday because knowing me, I won't do it the rest of the week. 
- Find new workouts, keep it fresh. 

2. Drum more
- 15 minutes almost every day
- Keep my practice pad where I can see it
- Pictures of my drummer inspiration/music quotes (Pat Kirch from The Maine is my biggest inspiration <3)
- Watch drumming videos

3. Write more
- Write something or edit something almost every day
- Poems, blog posts, stories, journal entries
- Jar of journal prompts (from Pinterest)
- Read writing tip posts to motivate myself and better my writing. 

- ipod reminders so I don't forget about it

Monday, December 30, 2013

My hopes for 2014...

- To continue to learn from my mistakes
- Go to more concerts
- Write more
- Become healthier 
- Create, create, create
- Fully enjoy more great music
- Get through the inevitable hard days
- Live in the now.

Saturday, December 28, 2013

Arizona Tea Flowers

Arizona tea is one of those things that once you try it you want it all the time. There's nothing better than walking into a gas station during the summer and seeing that display of colorful cans just like all the hipster photos I see online (Example). I saved a can a while ago after seeing a few projects using the tin cylinders, rinsed it out and tossed it into the dark abyss called my closet. But this weekend I finally got around actually using my treasured piece of patterned metal, something I could wear made it about ten times better.

Via Pinterest I found this tutorial and it sat in my "Jewelry" board for longer than the empty can sat in my closet; So, a long time. There aren't many written steps but the abstract design of making a flower doesn't require much more than the pictures given. Mine isn't as good as hers but I really think that because its flower shaped it still looks great even if its not as clean cut as the example.

With the addition of hot glue, a small piece of felt, and a clip I made it into a hair clip. 

For me it just screams summer, and reminds me of lots of nice stress free moments and fun events (Concerts and a camping trip are included in that c: ).

-- Shea --